Friday, Dec. 28, [email protected]:41 pm
not a fast learner
I ran into Danny a few days ago while I was fixing my bike chain on the Monument Valley trail. It's cool how my path continually crosses with Elijah and Danny's despite our complete lack of staying in touch, but it's too bad things ended up the way they did years ago. I ended up talking a little to Elijah and Pete, and it was pretty stupid mostly. I don't feel he's nice to me anymore and I sometimes get weird when I think people don't like me, which just adds to unpleasant moments like that. Also Danny and I had had four beers at Old C's and that usually makes me act even weirder; I like the feeling of being drunk enough, but I don't like acting socially weird or having to pee all the time or forgetting stuff or spending too much money.
Tuesday, Dec. 22, [email protected]:26 pm
Plus, something unexpected happened.
"Who even made this show?" Elijah asked of Chuck, "someone should cancel it."
It wasn't his definitively negative opinion of the nerdy spy show that pained me. I guess it's because I don't really love Elijah anymore. I might never love him again, even if we both tried. Hell, I might not even like him. Thinking you may never get the opportunity to reunite with someone seems worlds different than what I understand now--I no longer even want a chance. When I fled this town to get away from him I found something. Something I like and understand more. Much more. Maybe that pained me too.
Though, I really enjoyed seeing Danny. He was nice to me, and I regret being so excited and buzzed to remember half the stuff we talked about or acting mum back at Elijah's place when he started weirding me out. I probably should have stayed away from seeing Elijah altogether, and it could have been avoided, but I felt happy and welcomed with Danny. I guess I'm always kind of thinking I can get a second chance with Elijah since he was ready to give me one a few years ago. God, that was a disaster too.
how will i like surviving now?
my heart is breaking
missed it, this is angular, this is reality
oh my god. see you later.
Tuesday, Oct. 27, [email protected]:23 am
omg, I just gave a hot guy the thumbs-up.
Saturday, Aug. 01, [email protected]:30 pm
I just got back from Durango. I was mainly planning to see my brother play, but I was totally hoping to do a 14er too. Didn't happen. Tim had his wisdom teeth taken out and was recuperating/getting crunked and performing whilst I was in town. It was pretty fun overall. Sunday he performed at a house party which was pretty fun. It was at a mountain house with plants everywhere. After the band played I talked a little with one of the dudes who lives there and he said they had chickens for laying eggs and a rabbit for a loose pet. He said he wanted a dog, but also wanted to travel and didn't wanna mess with it. I asked, of course, what he was gonna do with his rabbit pet when he leaves for his next planned trip to Africa in 6 months. "I'll eat it," he said smiling.
Thursday, Jun. 11, [email protected]:57 pm
Everyone was pretty chill. I got to flirt guiltily with the younger bandmates and I kinda got vibes from Cliff. And he's cute too.
I got this from Craigslist and figured it would get flagged. But I like it.
Thursday, Jun. 11, [email protected]:57 pm
"I loved spending the last two weeks with you. Going to the theatre, the first time, was so hot. Trying to discreetly touch, massage, kiss, and whisper dirty things to each other with people merely seats away just made us horny for more. I loved sneaking into your house later that night, like teenagers, and making a complete mess of each other as we made out and fucked over and over on those crisp, white, 500 thread count sheets. When the jets of your warm cum were coating my ass, it was hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock. I loved falling asleep with you right next to me, your hand resting on my hip. The brief panic when we saw the hickey’s covering my neck, but then overtaken with my smirks and giggles as they were a reminder to me of what we had done all the night before. I loved “watching” Dexter together and emailing speculations and random facts about the actors. Then, driving up the canyon, talking about music and the Pacific Northwest, stopping briefly for a walk into the woods, so you could lean me forward against a tree and fuck me like an animal. You came faster than green grass through a goose. And, who’d have thought that little mountain town was big enough to have a speed limit, much less a police force. I loved the second time we went to the movie, for my birthday, and how my poon was as wet as a slip ‘n slide at the bottom of the ocean. I love how my toes curl, my legs shake, and I loose complete sense of things when your tongue is pressed firmly against my clit and your lips are sucking on my pussy, at just the right spot. I loved talking for hours with you about our fucked up society, religious institutions, and the like. And, going down on you is a girls dream, as you frost my mouth with your delicious cum. I love our electric touch. I love how we laugh together. Often. I love how we tease and banter and always get along; that we know each other better than most ever will. I love that you like me, LIKE me. And, I love that I know what you mean by that. You’ve made me feel sexier than a hooker on nickel night.
I’ll miss you tremendously as we go back to intermittent emails and occasional hookups. I’ll pine for these days when we’d spend hours together and the days when we can be together again.
PS-When time isn’t an issue, a lap dance in your briefs and my white tank top are in order. Afterwards, you can rip of that tank and expose my hard nipples in the cool air and fuck me senseless. "
I just checked, it totally got flagged.
Oh wow, I wrote some stuff but the trackpad clicked "Add an entry" for me and reloaded the entry page. I can't seem to turn the trackpad click off, the computer seems to think the mouse is always plugged in and so gives the prefs for that instead.
Saturday, May. 30, [email protected]:14 am
Oh well. It's probably better this way because it was about this annoying encounter with a dumb guy at the bar and his roommate who says mean things. Maybe I'll forget the details of this in time.
I'm going to southwestern Colorado. I'm hoping and was planning on doing a 14er, but I'm just not sure if it's gonna happen. Things come up. I really need more work. I like this job I have now, but I earn nothing at it and it's so variant in scheduling. I really want to do stuff, but I am so broke right now. Ugh.
Ugh, god, I hate John and how ruined even the nice memories are of him. I guess we both contributed, and I don't care how we got here, I might never want to see his face again. I hope it actually happens this time, thank god for drunken texting ideas on my part putting me back in this department. Not.
Sunday, May. 03, [email protected]:02 pm
I do like thinking of Ted though, still, and I wonder what he's up to. Muse reminds me of him.
H1N1, I don't know. A few nights ago I was convinced it was somebody's secret way of uniting the country without using war as the unifying factor. Which brings me to about an hour ago, I was in the library bathroom. I walked out of the stall, and saw an old woman using the air dryer. I just want to say--I do not like the air dryer. It seems like a waste of energy just to blow hot air on a small part of your body that dries pretty fast without aid. And unless you're the kind of person who habitually wears dirty clothes, it's probably a pretty alright solution to wipe your hands on your pants if you simply cannot have even briefly wet hands.
Aaaanyway, I wash my hands, even a little longer than usual just because it seemed prudent enough with another person in the bathroom during these times of public scaring. I shake the excess water off my hands and make my way to the exit door, and as I'm pushing through the threshold the old woman, like, squawked in DISBELIEF, "Aren't you going to wash your hands?" Aren't YOU going to notice another human being standing directly behind you in a three foot space for a half a minute? This is basically just my old person rant. You can't hear. You assume annoying shit about people. You take it upon yourself to fix situations by telling strangers how to do things or what to think. And sometimes you're extremely wrong about what you percieve is happening. backward | forward
I guess that made me feel better . . . I don't know why, it really bothered me. Duh, I washed my hands, lady, what a stupid fucking question.