are you down with it?

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Tuesday, Mar. 24, 2009@5:52 pm

Time to garden. Spring is coming, I'm so glad. The futon has been moved off the deck, and I'm glad about that too. I'm hoping my moonflowers will grow nicely for this little bit they have indoors, though I'm a little worried. Two of them have drooping seed leaves and I think it has something to do with those peat pots and exposed roots on the bottom. The one I have in the plastic cell seems to be doing really fine. I tried knicking the seeds before germinating them, and I totally cut the seed leaves. I think next time I'll try soaking them.

hell of sand
Friday, Jan. 02, 2009@11:39 am

uncertain future
Saturday, Nov. 22, 2008@8:59 am

Not to sound like a weirdo, but I never imagined not living with Brian. Ever since we moved in together and leases ended and others were started, I just seriously assumed I'd be living with Brian until one of us got seriously involved--a part of me even wondered if we'd be the ones who ended up involved . . .

bumb
Friday, Nov. 14, 2008@10:45 am

I need to find my bike today. But I gotta say, I'm a little scared. I thought I parked it somewhere's by the school during a time when I must have thought myself too drunk to continue home all the way on my bike. But I've looked up and down the two streets I thought I left it on twice. I hope I, like, didn't think I locked it but didn't really lock it. It's been two weeks now, man. Pretty bummed. Bike bummin.

another wednesday
Wednesday, Oct. 22, 2008@1:06 pm

I'm getting a little tired of using my roommate's Dell. I really am not impressed with Windows, especially how shittily it multi-tasks or how many scripts fail--not to mention it's also a pretty ugly OS in general. There are other things I hate about it, a lot of other things.

I would be using my iBook that I got last December. But I was taking a nap on the old futon not too long before we moved and when I woke up there was a whole fucking Alaskan Amber Ale spilled all over it. There was beer leaking out of the battery compartment. It was horrifying.

My roommate didn't say anything about it, but the pint glass the ale came from was empty and upright when I found it, sitting on the floor next to my computer. I've seen my roommate spill various liquids everywhere in the apartment, including this time I saw him spill beer on one of his Wii remotes. I've seen him clean these spills on less than four occasions, which doesn't include the remote incident--he didn't clean it and I didn't either for a change (the d-pad still sticks). I've seen him clean fucking dog pee even less times--upsetting.

Anyway, I have no proof but I'm fairly confident he knocked it over. Ruined. My computer is ruined. And I'm forced to use his piece of shit Dell, even though it is nice that he lets me. So pissed.

I'm still on the job hunt. I went to two interviews this last week but didn't get a call back. Sigh. I just want another job.

also, cable comes from satellites and THEN is distributed miles to the actual cables
Sunday, Sep. 14, 2008@12:313 pm

God, my job hunt is still going strong. Well, still going on anyway. I don't much care about doing anything right now in my life except buying clothes without holes and maybe some of my own drinks for a change. I guess I would like to impact the world in a positive way--like, in life--but I don't really care about doing that actually at all. Some people have cared about me, and I owe them. Everyone else can fuck off right now, I'm so tired of caring about humanity and finding in return those who just don't care. Probably because they are strangers, but I don't see what's so bad about good will to people you don't know. EXCEPT--that is not how the world works, so I don't know why I keep on, it's ignorant. I really need to start watching out for myself and thinking of myself. Thinking about things for other people is cool too, but I guess only if you like them or know you can get something out of it.

Like getting laid. Rob and I are on the outs, which is bad timing, I haven't seen John in just approaching a month now. Which is ok, except for that getting laid part. And I guess I wish I would have done more to end it with him since he became such a douchebag (or maybe always was but I didn't know?), but I really really wanted to have sex and smoke his weed. I should have just let Rob do all that stuff for me, since he was happily willing to invite me over for dinner or buy me conditioner for his shower, but I was stupid and greedy and wanting to be in a safe place. I don't know when I met Rob, but I was more comfortable with John--sometimes knowing someone a long time can dig that spot out for you. Maybe Rob is still a new enough lover to make me excessively worry my make-up and outfits. Or, worse yet, worry how my naked ass looks from behind or how sweaty I smell during sex. The best part about a longtime lover is not having to worry about those things. I was foolish to stay with John because of comfort especially because sex with Rob is good. I don't think I've ever orgasmed from getting eaten out before ever, so, I mean really that should have been enough. It might be stupid to quit when you have no where to go, but I had a lover. So my bad.

Oh and risk taking IS a good idea. And complete avoidance IS a pretty bad one. Man . . . mistakes . . . I guess I'll just be moving on. I of course blackholed myself while John and I were going out, not to mention focused my extra attention on a boy who may or may not like me. Fuck, in boy language if he needed to be with me (for sex or otherwise, I would take either) he would have done it already.

Been watching Weeds on SideReel alot. What a cool place. Cable television distributors suck for making me buy either a shitty 15 channel plan or a shitty 25000 channel plan, so I guess I'll buy no plan and just download media from the internet. Like these corporations are surprised I don't want to pay for shitty customer service on a shitty digital data plan that forces me to buy cable television with my internet when all I want is internet. They seriously give consumers little options, for instance even the nicest of the plans won't allow for individual channel selection, WTF? Yes, I'm in a demographic that wants to watch Lifetime . . . NEVER! Technology has opened so many doors in the way of understanding demographic specific information, people want and EXPECT to be able to customize their shit. I'm sorry, but at the very least I shouldn't HAVE to purchase the shittiest cable tv plan in order to get internet, not everyone wants television access. I guess they probably figure I'll just download/stream the tv shows I actually want to watch at the times I actually want to watch them, so they force me to bundle in order to get the rightful revenue owed to them because I chose to use the internet to watch the actual shows I wanted to watch at the actual times I wanted to watch them. Shows the cable carriers probably had no hand in producing. Doesn't Comedy Central and the Food Channel and the History Channel post their shows up on their sites for consumers to watch? Cable is so stupid. It's cool when people express themselves through various medias (like tv shows), it's uncool when unneeded corporations pretend their unnecessary middle-manness is necessary for the consumer.

I hope this kind of media broadcasting is just on its way out. Manipulating information is key in this culture, and the internet is at our disposal; cable tv is just out for disposal.

sliced
Tuesday, Sep.7, 2008@6:33 pm

Yesterday I was making bacon on the grill. Turkey bacon. And like, I dunno, man has loved bacon for a long time. And man has also loved the grill for a long time, and I guess if those two things were meant to go together they would have gone together by now, and we would have heard of that shit. I burned the fuck out of, like, three pieces. So I cooked some more bacon in the microwave and it fucking cracked my cheap clear glass plate. So I left it in the sink, and then time came to throw it away. And the piece in the midddle fell out and for some reason I put my leg out to catch it, and now I have a fucking huge gash on my shin. Oh yeah, and no health insurance, soooo, I guess I'm not gonna get stitches, and this fucking weird person behind me has been making weird whimpering noises for like two hours (I'm at the public library). For real, two hours, oh my god, what the hell is this person's problem, oh my god SHUT THE FUCK UP!

john
Friday, Aug. 23, 2008@10.52 am

oh my god, this is exactly how I feel. I'd written an entry a few days ago, but it was long--it just took too long to say what I wanted. This.

"I do wish I'd never got involved with [him] though.

That's the only relationship I've ever had where I feel that way. Every other relationship, I have always seen a positive side. I don't think I will look back on this episode fondly at all. I am glad it's all over.

It was a distraction from reality."

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